Wednesday, April 16, 2014

People I hate on the metro

I have been in Paris for more than three months now, and as much as I still love the city, some of its mystique is starting to fade.  When I first came here, I thought the metro was the best thing ever because it was just so easy.  I was also completely unaccustomed to mass public transportation because I lived in a small town in the US, so the fact that I could get almost anywhere by just swiping my Navigo was absolutely amazing. However, although the metro is still easy, while sometimes frustrating, my love for it has diminished mostly due to my fellow passengers.  I'm hoping that most of you who have experienced the metro will agree that these people are the absolute worst, or if you haven't, that you will be thankful that you have never encountered them.

Accordion players or anyone else with an instrument, microphone or stereo

At first, I thought accordion players were charming, and they would make my metro ride instantly more enjoyable and Parisian.  Now, after hearing the same songs countless times, I want to stab their accordion repeatedly, throw it on the rails and wait for another train to run it over.  Maybe it's a bit harsh, but seriously, accordions are super annoying.  All I want to do is sit on the metro and eavesdrop onto people's conversations in peace, but no, someone has to get on the metro and try to sing at the top of their lungs.  I have, one more than one occasion, changed cars to get away from their terribleness.  

People who don't give up their seat

Obviously I don't mean to me.  I am lucky enough to be a young, healthy person without any disabilities. However, I have on many occasions witnessed an elderly man or very-pregnant woman come on the metro, and no one has given up their seat for them.  Who are you??  I know you play Candy Crush better when you're sitting down, but come on, please try to be a decent human being for twenty minutes out of your day.

People who haven't taken a shower in, let's say, five years

The only thing worse than being stuck on a crowded metro train where you're packed like cattle because we obviously all have really important places to go, is being sandwiched next to some one who smells like death rolled in shit.  It's the only time when you'll actively wonder if you actually need to breath in order to survive the next ten minutes.  For the love god, just smell socially acceptable.  You don't need to smell good, you can even still smell bad, just not THAT bad.  

People who talk on the phone in the metro

1. How do you have service?  My phone is completely useless when I'm half-way down the stairs entering the metro, how in the world can you be having a coherent conversation with someone?  2. What is so important that you have to have this conversation right now while the rest of listen?  It's not like I can really choose whether or not to overhear it, and in case you're wondering, it's never an interesting conversation. 

People who get on the metro before letting the others get off

This is simple logistics - you have to let people get off the train before you get on or else no one can really get on or off, and it's just complete chaos.  Calm down and wait the five seconds for everyone to exit. Patience is a virtue, my friend.  But you're not patient, so you look like an asshole, and everyone hates you.

There you have it - just some of the people who I hate on the metro.  I think I've become more cynical since I've been here because I actively had to prevent myself from writing about 25 of these.  Let me know who you hate on the metro, and then we can be friends and hate them together.