Am I an adult yet??

I think everyone goes through this awkward "not a girl yet not a woman" period where, yes, the government recognizes that you are in fact an adult by law, but in real life, you feel like you are hovering around the mental age of 19.  I think you officially know that you're all grown up when you have moved past the denial of getting older and accept that you are a responsible human being.  However, I don't think I'm quite there yet, but I wanted to give you some examples of what my daily life is like.  You can decide for yourself if I'm an adult or not.

I moved out of my parents house

I think this is a huge determiner of being an independent, responsible person.  If you still live with your parents, you are not a real adult (unless you moved in to take care of them or something, in which case you are more of an adult than I'll ever be).  After 23 years of paying for school, living rent-free, and being fed, clothed and sheltered, I am officially no longer being supported by my parents.  Although that sounds super grown up, I now work for a family who pays for my cell phone, my metro pass, and I don't have to pay rent. I never said that my parents no longer supported me because I was financially stable and self-sufficient, I just said they don't pay for my shit anymore... someone else does now.  I really have no idea where this puts me on the adult scale.

I still cry when I'm tired

You know when a two year old doesn't get enough sleep, and the next day he will be cranky and cry over anything and everything?  Yeah that's still where I am in life.  If I'm tired, I will cry over everything.  Last week I cried because I couldn't find eggs in the supermarket.  I will cry if anyone says anything remotely nice to me.  God forbid I talk to my mom, I will cry out of homesickness for the next hour. As you can see, I really am a basket case when I am sleep deprived which is definitely not a sign of a well-adjusted, "I have my shit together" adult.

I take out the trash on a regular basis

Gone are the days when I would let my trash can overflow onto the floor and be totally cool with it.  I now take out the trash like a normal human being, meaning before it turns into a disgusting, hoarderesque situation.  I really shouldn't be proud of this, but I've just come so far.

I don't do my laundry until I run out of underwear

I really hate doing laundry.  What do I hate more than doing laundry?  Folding my clothes and putting them away.  I try to avoid it at all costs which means that my outfits become more and more desperate, and I eventually wear bathing suit bottoms as underwear.  I think I did more laundry in college than I do now, so that should really tell you something about my maturity level.  

I cook almost everyday... and not just Ramen noodles

I am particularly proud of this achievement considering the size of my "kitchen."  If you read my previous post First Week and a Half in Paris, you know that my kitchen comprises of a mini fridge and a hot plate.  I have recently added a toaster oven... which I primarily use to make pizza.  Anyway, I do cook almost everyday, and not just simple pasta dishes (although I do eat pasta with butter and cheese quite frequently). I actually put effort into my meals now, and at least try to cook something healthy.  I no longer spend the majority of my paycheck on crappy takeout when I'm too lazy to cook, mostly because I'm too poor for other people to make my food.

I still procrastinate until the last second to do almost everything

I don't care if I have five hours to get ready, I will still probably be late to where ever I am going.  My thought process is that if I have twenty minutes to get dressed, brush my teeth, and do my hair, I can still squeeze in ten minutes of Youtube or Facebook time.  Sometimes when I try to figure out why I was late getting somewhere, I truly can't remember, but I just assume that I was doing some nonsense on the internet. I am never late because I am doing something productive.  I have never said something like "oh sorry I'm late, but I was tweeking my resume and lost track of time."  Usually I've been stalking my ex boyfriend's best friend's younger sister because it looks like she might be pregnant in her profile picture.  This is not adult behavior, and someone should revoke my internet privileges. 

So there you have a few adult/not-so-adult examples of what I do on a daily basis.  I could probably write parts 2, 3, and 4 about the questionable things I do.  Am I a real grown up?  I have no clue, but probably not. 

I would love to hear some of your ridiculous adult/non-adult behavior, so please comment!

The Struggles of learning another language

When people ask me why I became an au pair in France, I have many answers - I love the city and Parisian culture, I wanted to do something adventurous, but most importantly, I wanted to finally become fluent in French.  I say finally because I have been learning French since I was about eight, and I'm still not fluent. Trust me, I know how pathetic that is.  What makes it worse is being surrounded by people who speak like six different languages and picking up a new one is like buying a new pair shoes.  This post is not for those people because if you are one of them, you make me feel really shitty about myself.

Pretending to know what someone is talking about

This happens to me more than I would like to admit - I'm in a friendly conversation with a French native speaker, and honestly, I have no idea what the hell they're talking about.  They could be talking goat ice hockey for all I know, and what do I do?  I just smile and nod.  Anytime the other person seems to be asking me a question? I just respond with "oui."  Word of advice - don't do this! I look like a complete idiot about 75% of the time, and I'm not fooling anyone.  Then once the person discovers that you've just been nodding along, not understanding anything they're saying about goat hockey, they will treat you like the complete idiot that you are for the rest of the conversation.

When people ask you if you're fluent

When people ask me this, especially if they've known me since I was a kid and know that I've been studying French forever, I completely panic.  How do I answer this?? Should I be honest and say "nope I still suck at it," or should I lie my ass off and say "uhh yeah pretty much"?  I can't be completely truthful because then they'll know that I'm pathetic, but then there's always the chance that the friend they're with is actually fluent in French and will want to have a conversation.  That's my worst nightmare, so I usually respond with "no, no not at all" which somehow comes off as being modest.

Thinking you've finally got this

You're feeling really good about yourself because you can finally understand everything your teacher says or the journalist on the news.  You think "hey, this isn't so hard, I'm finally getting the hang of this," but then you go to a bar or a party.  You hear people your own age talking to their friends, and you suddenly realize that you know NOTHING. 

When people ask if you want to teach that language

If they could only hear the roaring laughter in my head when someone asks if I will teach French.  Even with a degree in French, yes I said degree, from a real school, I am in no way qualified to teach French.  Those poor kids would sound so stupid.

When people ask you to translate on the spot

"Oh hey, I read this sentence in a book that's French, listen to it once, and translate it for me NOW."  Again, this is my worst nightmare.  I usually have a hard time understanding real French people, but when someone who's not a native speaker tries to say something to me, it's absolute jibberish.   

The moment(s) when you lose all hope

There have been so many times when I want to give up because I'm tired of being publicly humiliated or struggling just to say a seemingly simple sentence.  It's easy to get discouraged because learning another language is really hard.  Let's be honest, those people who know six languages are freaks.  Anyway, don't give up because learning another language is rewarding and not to mention, really useful.  If you're feeling discouraged, take a little break.  Call your best friend from home or watch an English TV show.  Then pick yourself up and try again.

These have been a few of my struggles while learning French.  There are more because let's face it, the list is endless, but if you are in a similar situation, please feel free to share what has been difficult for you!

What I miss about the US

Don't get me wrong, I am having an amazing time in Paris, and I am loving stuffing my face with croissants and ALL the cheese.  However, I received an awesome package from my lovely mother this week, and it reminded me that there are some things that the French will never be able to give me.  It's not that I can't live without these things, and I probably never missed or even thought about them before I left, but now, now is a different story.  Finding out that my favorite pasta sauce tastes different in France (apparently I've grown to like the unique flavors of pesticides and hormones) is enough to send me spiraling into homesickness.  In addition to my parents, my friends, my cats, and my car - can't forget about Howard - these are the things I miss about the US:

Shamrock Shakes

It's March which means only two things - it's finally going to get warmer and the best food-related invention since someone decided to potatoes in oil and make French fries - the Shamrock Shake.  It's green food-coloring and mint heaven, and the best possible way to celebrate Irish heritage and culture.  Why, why don't the French sell them?  I'm sure the French would love them too! This is my plea to the McDonalds of France, PLEASE realize your horrible mistake.  You can still make it right for next year.  I will even accept if you don't put whipped cream and a cherry on top like they do in the US, I just need my shamrock!

Snow

I know that everyone in the US will hate me for this, but I really miss the snow.  It seems like every time I go on Facebook or talk to my mother, New Jersey gets another foot of snow.  The one year I leave, the North East turns into Canada.  I'm sure that if I was still home, I would hate the snow right now and never want to see it again.  However, in Paris, it's really not that cold and it rains almost every day in the winter.  Maybe that doesn't sound too bad, but it will make you go insane, especially when you lose your umbrella and are too stubborn to buy a new one.  I wish it snowed and was actually cold.  Maybe just for a week.

Calling people ratchet

They don't know what I am talking about. I'm tired of explaining the definition of a word which technically means a type of wrench.

Southern Comfort

You don't know what I would do for a SoCo lime right now.  Yes, I can go to the Hardrock Cafe and buy one, but my pride prevents me from stooping that low.  If I did go to the Hardrock,  1. I wouldn't tell a soul 2. if you did somehow find out, put me on suicide watch because I'm that homesick  3. I would pretend to have some sort of different accent, it seems better that a foreigner goes there than an American.  Too bad all of my accents suck, I can go from Indian to eastern European to British in one sentence.

Buffalo Sauce

I have been craving buffalo sauce for the past two months, and thank god, my mom sent me a bottle because it's impossible to find a good one in France.  The French definition of spicy greatly differs from ours not to mention that everything 'American' is excessively expensive (I'm talking 6 Euros for peanut butter expensive). I put it on my pizza, I dip my fries in it, I eat it with EVERYTHING, and I am a happy, happy girl now that I can have it again.

Hair conditioner

Apparently, the French don't get knots in their hair.  How? I don't know.  I imagine that they spend a lot of time trying to force a comb through a solid glob of hair after showering.  Have they not heard that we have this amazing product called conditioner that makes your hair shiny and soft and gets rid of knots?  Okay, so you can find conditioner, but it's rare and expensive.

These are a few things I miss about the US, and I am sure that there will be parts 2, 3 and 4 in the future. I am going to go eat some bread now.

Le Carnaval de Dunkerque

I spent this past weekend in the north of France, in Lille and Dunkerque, for the Carnaal de Dunkerque. Perhaps the Ch'tis get mocked by the French but not by this American girl.  1. They're food is ungodly good. If I lived there, I would definitely gain about... 50 pounds, but hey, I'd be happy. I had fried Camembert with frites, and I thought I had died and go to fatty-foods heaven.  2. They definitely know how to have a good party.

The beach in Dunkerque.

Okay so let me explain the Carnaval.  I guess it's what Americans would call a festival except everyone dresses in crazy costumes.  Typically men dress as women in the most tacky and outlandish dresses with clashing tights and boas and whatever else they can find.  Everyone also puts on a full face of makeup (my friends decided to give me a nice black unibrow and a huge clown smile), wears masks, wigs, or hats.  It's absolutely ridiculous and oh so entertaining.

Did I mention that everyone drinks heavily during this extravaganza?  It'll be important for the next part of the story.

As you have just about taken all of these glorious sights in, a procession leads you to a square in front of the mayor's office.  This is where things got a little dicey for me, and the alcohol became necessary.  Everyone packs themselves into the square and pushes themselves to the very front in order to catch the fish which are being thrown from the office.  Yes, they throw fish at people.  At the end, they throw a few lobsters which are apparently extra special.

The people in the windows are throwing fish into the crowd.

It gets pretty rough in this crowd. I was thrown and pushed in every direction, I broke my shoe, and was almost strangled a few times thanks to my boas.  I also have a few really awesome bruises that I love to show off as battle wounds.  Anyway, as I started worrying about my well being and dying alone in a sea of drunken people hungry for some fish, I left the center and made my way to the outside of the crowd.  Not an easy task by the way.  My friends and I had a meeting point because it was pretty much inevitable that we would get separated, so that came in handy.  Otherwise, I would be living in Dunkerque right now.

After the fish catching, everyone links arms and walks through the streets.  Unfortunately we missed this part because our bladders had needs (girls ya know?), and speaking of which, I peed in the street in front of hundreds of people.  Not my proudest moment, but when you gotta go, you gotta go.

Yup, that just happened.  They saw... they all saw.

I also did not mention that random people come up to you give you a zeutch, or kiss, on the mouth.  It's said that back in the day, if you were married in Dunkerque, the only time when it was acceptable to cheat on your spouse was at the Carnaval.  Cute. Well the tradition lived on, but it's really not as scandalous as it sounds.  I was terrified of old gross men forcibly kissing me and slipping me the tongue.  However, it's really very tame, and I only received one zeutch (I like to blame my unibrow for my unpopularity).

After a break, you then all join together around a merry-go-round, link arms, and continue crushing each other while running in a circle.  You also sing traditional French and Ch'tis songs during this event and the whole festival.  Obviously, I knew none of them.

We ended the night by forming a random dance party in front of a bar where I learned, again, that I am completely ignorant of all popular French songs.

Sorry for the poor quality, but this is our dance party

So to sum up - fish, kissing, and costumes - what do they have to do with each other? I have absolutely no idea, but whatever, it's fun, so it doesn't matter.  The Carnaval was definitely an experience, to say the least, but despite what I thought before, I will be going again one day.  Although it may take me a few years to prepare myself.

The Heineken Experience

Sorry for the delay in my posts about Amsterdam, but I have shit to do and just haven't gotten around to it. Also, I spent the weekend in Dunkerque for a huge "carnival," but I will post about that later.

Anyway, while in Amsterdam, we thought it would be a great idea to go to the Heineken Experience even though I'm honestly not a huge fan of the famous Dutch beer.  But hey, I'll always take an opportunity to drink during the day. My advice - save yourself some money, suck up your pride, and get hammered in a local bar in the middle of the day.  They will most definitely sell Heineken as well... the same beer you pay quadruple to drink inside the "Experience."

Yes, technically you are paying for the museum (I just cringed while writing that), but there's really nothing worth paying for inside.  I had thought we were going to the brewery and that it would be awesome to see the actual beer being made.  But no, they do not make the beer there.  They do however have all the equipment to brew Heineken on the premise, but it's just for display.  I was pretty disappointed, but at least I got some cool pictures out of the deal.

After you see all of the useless contraptions with which any reasonable person would brew beer, you make your way through room after room of glorified advertisements for Heineken.  The Experience did succeed in making most of the "information" interactive, but at the end you felt more or less brainwashed to drink Heineken.  A better approach, in my opinion, would be to have ten rooms each dedicated to a different drinking game.  I would buy Heineken for the rest of my life if I could play endless rounds of beer pong and flip cup.  Then they could even throw in a few authentic Dutch drinking games as well, and that way I could at least say I learned something.

At the end of all the Heineken propaganda, you finally get to drink your two beers.  However, they fail to mention when you're buying your tickets that these beers are only 33 cL, but it was the middle of the day, so maybe it was for the best.  You also get to taste test a beer in the middle of the Experience, but it's practically child-sized.  Still, a nice surprise.  The bar where you drank your two Heinekens was actually really cool - the walls were huge TV screens that displayed different cityscapes.  For five minutes, you were in New York, then you were in Tokyo, and then Moscow.

All and all, the Heineken Experience was fun, but definitely not worth the 18 Euro admission.  Amsterdam has so many better things to offer than this tourist trap, and your time is better spent wandering the canals or going to the markets.  If you want a true Heineken experience, go to your local pub, order as many beers as it takes to get piss drunk, and at least try to meet some Dutch people.  Even if you make a complete ass out of yourself, you'll have a much better experience, not to mention a much better story to tell.

Why I love that the French don't celebrate Valentine's Day

When you think of Paris, you think of the most romantic city in the world, so you would naturally assume that the French would be really into Valentine's Day.  Well, they're not.  And it's awesome.  Sure there are billboards in the metro advertising a nighttime Valentine's spa package (what?) and stores are trying to hype up the Americanized, fake holiday, but it doesn't seem like the trend is catching on.

You could make the argument that Parisians are romantic all the time, so a designated day to show your love seems bizarre, but I beg to differ.  Perhaps it's the tackiness that surrounds Valentine's Day that prevents the French from obsessing over it like Americans do or maybe they can't handle the pressure.  I don't know, but I like it. And here's why:

I don't have to buy any gifts
How did this get popular anyway? Why should anyone be obligated to give a gift to someone on a made up holiday that is supposed to sum up all the love they have for that person? As if buying a stuffed bear who's holding a heart that says "I love you," is sincere. It's really stupid. Living in Paris is expensive, and I definitely don't want to spend anymore money on pointless gifts.

I don't have to pretend to love the flowers I receive 
I know how inconsiderate and unappreciative that sounds, but it's true.  Last year the guy I was dating bought me four dozen roses. Four dozen! I know some girls would swoon over that type of gesture, but I just get uncomfortable.  When I receive a bouquet of flowers, I have to put a huge fake smile on my face and go on and on about how much I love them.  Then I am expected to put them in a vase and meticulously take care of them until they inevitably die.  The point I'm making is, when someone gives you flowers, that person already knows that their gift is going to die.  However, they still expect you to stress yourself out trying to keep that very gift, that everyone knows will end up in a landfill in the near future, alive for as long as possible.  Honestly, the flowers spend more time dead in that vase than they do alive because I am too lazy to throw them out. If you really love me, buy me a plant, preferably one that I can eat.

I won't get fat from the chocolates I get
I love chocolate, and there definitely will be no fake happiness in sight when I open that box.  That's the problem. Some people have the ability to eat one little piece of chocolate, savor it, and be done for the day, but not me. Most likely you'll find that empty box in my trash the next day, and you'll find me having an existential crisis about why I'm so disgusting. This year, no chocolates mean no self-loathing two days later.

I don't have to sit through an overpriced six course meal 
I love going out to eat just as much as the next person, but these special "Valentine's Menus" have gotten out of hand.  1. There are like seventy courses. I didn't know there could be that many parts to a meal.  2. You can only choose between two options for each course.  I'm an extremely picky eater.  Like no fish, no pork, no eggs, no onions, kind of picky.  Only have two options is pretty much my worst nightmare, and because I'm forced to eat that course, I usually order something knowingly fully well that I am definitely not eating that.

A day no longer defines my relationship
Since when has Valentine's Day become so important for a relationship? Now, if your boyfriend forgets Valentine's, it's grounds for a breakup and a night filled with Alanis Morissette singalongs.  Ladies, it's not your birthday, so you need to calm down a bit.  Also, the game you play where you subtly remind your significant other that Valentine's Day is coming up without actually telling him that he needs to plan a magical evening and buy you expensive jewelry, is really pathetic to watch. If you do celebrate V-Day, which by the way I'm not judging at all, why not just say "hey what do you want to do for Valentine's Day?" He is most likely going to answer with "uhh I don't know, what do you want to do" or "oh I haven't even thought about it." However, that does not mean that he has fallen out of love with you and has actually been planning how he can break up with you right before the big day, so he can get out of paying for your dinner. Please stop acting like there's a bigger meaning behind your significant other forgetting a made-up holiday.

After reading this, you might be thinking "oh this poor, sad single girl is feeling bitter and wants to let us know how much she hates love and happy couples," but I promise you that this is not the case. I am extremely happy in my relationship where I will not be celebrating Valentine's Day.

It is really nice living in a country where social pressures do not force couples to go through this bizarre ritual, and I am very much appreciative.

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Teaching English in Paris

I am currently teaching a few English lessons in Paris each week in order to make some extra cash and to gain some experience in teaching English as a foreign language.  So far, it has gone really well and has been interesting to say the least.

After I posted ads on the internet, the response was overwhelming!  I had no idea that so many people out there were looking to learn English especially since most people learn English in school here.

So I had my first English lesson which was a disaster.  Our plan was to meet at Ivry sur Seine at 8pm and to find a cafe where we could do the lesson.  First, I went to Issy val de Seine, a metro stop on the completely opposite side of the city.  Then after speaking with the student, I hopped on the RER to go to the correct stop (I had to buy a more expensive ticket for this by the way) not realizing that I had gotten on an express train to the suburbs of Paris.  As I saw my station pass me by, I started to panic.  What was going on? Where am I going?  I was already slightly uncomfortable meeting a complete stranger on the edge of Paris, at night, but my current situation completely elevated my anxiety.  I comforted myself by making a simple plan of getting off at the next stop and taking a train in the opposite direction.  However, we sped past the next stop... and the one after that... and three more after that.

At this point, I had lost all hope and thought I had entered the first circle of hell when the train finally came to a stop at Juvisy.  I made my way to the platform which would take me in the opposite direction.  For those of you who are not familiar with the RER in Paris, at night, it's not exactly the safest mode of transportation in the world.  I was forced to put on my big girl face and at least attempt to hide the fact that I was completely lost and that the only person who knew my location was a stranger who for all I knew, was planning to kill me, cut me up, and make a stir fry with my body parts

I finally arrived at the correct station, at 9:45 mind you, and met my student.  I found out that the only words he knew in English at this point where "hello" and "goodbye."  I realized that this was going to be difficult considering I have absolutely no experience teaching and that this was my very first lesson.  He then proceeded to take me to his apartment, which was not part of our agreement, claiming that he can't concentrate in noisy places.  This would have been nice to know beforehand, but he seemed like a decent guy, so I wasn't too concerned.

As previously explained, he had no knowledge of English whatsoever, and I think he expected to learn overnight.  The beginners lesson that I had prepared was entirely too difficult for him, and it was a struggle to get through just the vocabulary in an hour.  He continuously claimed that he wanted to work very hard, but he seemed distracted and impatient during the lesson.

After the lesson was over, he walked me to the train, and claimed that 20 Euro an hour was too expensive for him.  He asked me if I could give him a two hour lesson for the same price instead.  I actually heard myself say "yeah of course, no problem!" So I had just agreed to work for half the amount we had originally agreed upon for the student who would be the most difficult to teach. What an idiot.  This is probably why I didn't make it through a semester of business school.

So that's the story of my first English lesson.  I now have about four regular students whose lessons have been much more enjoyable than my first.  It's great because I actually have the opportunity to practice my French, especially with the beginners, and I am able to save for trips to other parts of Europe.

The most annoying questions people ask you when moving to a foreign country

Okay, so you're about to move to a foreign country for whatever reason, and you're super excited! You tell everyone who will listen about your plans, your job, and your living situation.  After you have finished enthusiastically describing every last detail of your future life, you will inevitably be faced with at least one of these incredibly annoying questions:

Why would you want to do that?  

Umm I don't know, because I want to?  Because there are places outside of the US that are actually pretty cool, believe or not.  Because I've been studying French for the majority of my life, and I'm still not fluent.  This question always irritates me because whoever asks it, will never accept any reasons you give, and will always insist that life in the US is way better than anywhere else.  So just make something insane up, and have fun with it. 

When are you going to start your real life?  

I guess I missed the part where this isn't real life? Because I'm going to be an au pair, or a nanny, I get this question a lot.  I've learned that people view traveling and working non-professional jobs as a joke.  Some people in this world just aren't meant to sit at a desk from 9 to 5 -- they want to explore, be adventurous, and experience new things.  Maybe not forever, but maybe, yes, forever. Yes, I am a college graduate, but no I don't want to sell insurance or input data right now.  However, that does not mean that I am wasting my life away and am not a serious person.

OH MY GOD HOW MANY SUITCASES ARE YOU BRINGING??  

There is usually a follow-up question like: "Oh my God, how can you fit ALL your stuff in just two?? I would need at least seventeen." Nope just two, two is enough.

Are you coming home for every insignificant holiday on the calendar?  

St. Patrick's Day, Easter, Fourth of July, COLUMBUS DAY?? Okay, I fully understand why people ask about Christmas, but when people are shocked that, no, I will not be home for my birthday or Cinqo de Mayo, I always wonder if they understand the concept of living abroad.  There's no such thing as a quick trip home not to mention a cheap one.  

When are you getting your car shipped over? 

Okay, someone only asked me this question once, but it was by far the dumbest of them all, so it's making the list.  There's not much you can say to respond to this except:

How do your parents feel about all this?  

They actually want to lock me in the basement for the rest of my life and NEVER LET ME GO.  Umm they're pretty cool about it?  I'm an adult and even if they disapproved, there's really nothing they can do about it?  They want me to lead a cultured, fulfilling life where I'm happy and awesome?  I mean of course they're going to miss me, but it's kinda part of the whole growing up thing that we're all forced to do.  I'm pretty sure everyone I've ever told about my plans has asked this with the same pitiful tone, so *ding ding ding* we have a winner for the most annoying question EVER!

So there they are! I'm sure if anyone else is in the same situation as I am, they hear a handful of these on a pretty daily basis.  I'd love to hear more stupid/annoying questions that you've gotten or just know if I'm the only one who experiences this.  I love comments!