The Heineken Experience

Sorry for the delay in my posts about Amsterdam, but I have shit to do and just haven't gotten around to it. Also, I spent the weekend in Dunkerque for a huge "carnival," but I will post about that later.

Anyway, while in Amsterdam, we thought it would be a great idea to go to the Heineken Experience even though I'm honestly not a huge fan of the famous Dutch beer.  But hey, I'll always take an opportunity to drink during the day. My advice - save yourself some money, suck up your pride, and get hammered in a local bar in the middle of the day.  They will most definitely sell Heineken as well... the same beer you pay quadruple to drink inside the "Experience."

Yes, technically you are paying for the museum (I just cringed while writing that), but there's really nothing worth paying for inside.  I had thought we were going to the brewery and that it would be awesome to see the actual beer being made.  But no, they do not make the beer there.  They do however have all the equipment to brew Heineken on the premise, but it's just for display.  I was pretty disappointed, but at least I got some cool pictures out of the deal.

After you see all of the useless contraptions with which any reasonable person would brew beer, you make your way through room after room of glorified advertisements for Heineken.  The Experience did succeed in making most of the "information" interactive, but at the end you felt more or less brainwashed to drink Heineken.  A better approach, in my opinion, would be to have ten rooms each dedicated to a different drinking game.  I would buy Heineken for the rest of my life if I could play endless rounds of beer pong and flip cup.  Then they could even throw in a few authentic Dutch drinking games as well, and that way I could at least say I learned something.

At the end of all the Heineken propaganda, you finally get to drink your two beers.  However, they fail to mention when you're buying your tickets that these beers are only 33 cL, but it was the middle of the day, so maybe it was for the best.  You also get to taste test a beer in the middle of the Experience, but it's practically child-sized.  Still, a nice surprise.  The bar where you drank your two Heinekens was actually really cool - the walls were huge TV screens that displayed different cityscapes.  For five minutes, you were in New York, then you were in Tokyo, and then Moscow.

All and all, the Heineken Experience was fun, but definitely not worth the 18 Euro admission.  Amsterdam has so many better things to offer than this tourist trap, and your time is better spent wandering the canals or going to the markets.  If you want a true Heineken experience, go to your local pub, order as many beers as it takes to get piss drunk, and at least try to meet some Dutch people.  Even if you make a complete ass out of yourself, you'll have a much better experience, not to mention a much better story to tell.

Amsterdam - it's cute as shit

Since I had last week off, I went to Amsterdam for a long weekend (that still feels really weird to say), and of course had an amazing time. And of course I am going to tell you all about it, but first I want to give a sort of overview on my thoughts of the city.

Let me tell you, it's adorable. First of all, we stayed in a boat which turned out to be a slightly glorified hostel. Despite some obnoxious English teenagers who woke all the passengers (yes passengers) up coming home at six in the morning, it was pretty awesome.  Our "cabins" were super small, but the claustrophobia forced us to spend time in the the lounge and see more of the city in spite of our sleep deprivation.

This the Avanti - our hotel/getaway boat if anything should go wrong.

Anyway, let me get back to the cute as shit part.  Everywhere you look in Amsterdam is beautiful. Okay maybe not the Red Light District, but then again, a fair amount of men find the lovely ladies in the windows to be beautiful too. For some reason I picture all of their clients being old Asian business men. I don't know why.

Yes, that is a cat sitting in the window of a small old house sandwiched between two big apartment buildings. Adorable.

I'm getting off track. All of the houses on the canals are stunning with their quaint painted bricks and huge windows. I'm seriously considering becoming a professional au pair, moving to Amsterdam, and taking care of some bratty Dutch kids who live in one of these amazing houses.

And there are the bicycles. Everywhere. There are literally parking lots just for bikes, but don't let that adorable tidbit fool you. At first you're like "oh my god it's so freaking cute that everyone rides bikes," and it is in fact a hipster's wet dream.  However give yourself twenty minutes in the city, and you will turn on those bikes faster than one of those prostitutes will climb on Asian business men. Every time you cross the street, you almost DIE. They seriously come out of no where!  I am sure that cyclists hate pedestrians just as much as I hate them.  We're probably pretty annoying while we're stupidly standing in bike lanes, staring at the coffee shops in utter amazement.

In case you are wondering, "coffee shop" is a euphemism for a place where you can buy weed and smoke it LEGALLY... and maybe buy some coffee too.

Here's another bike... just because.

Okay so this is my brief overview of Amsterdam.  I am realizing that it provides absolutely nothing useful, but I hope you enjoy the pictures. I will be posting suggestions of where to go, what to eat, drink, etc. along with some charming anecdotes in the next few days.